璟带小夭回到青丘时，恰好碰上太夫人蛊毒发作。

    璟匆匆跑进去探视，小夭在外面等着。

    阵阵惨叫声传来，令听者都毛骨悚然，苗莆悄悄对小夭说：“难怪大荒内的人闻蛊色变，蛊虫反噬时真可怕！涂山氏的这位太夫人年纪轻轻就守寡，是大荒内出了名的硬骨头，能让她惨号，想来蛊毒真是可怕。”

    一会儿后，璟、篌、意映和蓝枚从太夫人院内走出来，璟和篌的表情是一模一样的愧疚难受，让人清楚地意识到他们俩是兄弟。

    小夭走上前，对璟和篌说：“能让我帮太夫人诊察一下身子吗？”

When Jing brought Xiaoyao to Qingqiu, Madam Tushan was having an attack from the poisonous bug.
Jing hurriedly went in the room while Xiaoyao waited outside.

Harrowing screams ensued, horrifying the listeners. Miaopu whispered to Xiaoyao “No wonder everyone is afraid of poisonous bugs in Dahuang, the backlash from them is really horrible! Madam Tushan became widowed from a young age, is a famous unyielding and tough person in Dahuang. If she can scream like this, poison bugs are really terrible.”

After some time, Jing, Hou, Yiying and Lanmei emerged from Madam Tushan’s room. Jing and Hou have the same expression of guilt and pain, its easy to realize they are brothers.

Xiaoyao walked forward and told Jing and Hou “Can I take a look at Madam Tushan?”

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

 篌和意映都愣住了，想到璟坚持退婚，立即意识到了什么，却是不愿相信。篌惊讶地问：“王姬为何在此？”

    璟替小夭回道：“是我邀请她来的。”

    只有太夫人知道璟昏迷的真相，意映一直以为璟是重伤昏迷，完全没想到小夭会和璟走到一起。意映质问璟：“是她吗？”

    璟没有吭声，意映震惊下，都忘记了掩饰，激动地说：“怎么可能？她怎么可能看得上你？”

Hou and Yiying were stunned. Thinking back on how Jing had insisted on cancelling the engagement, they finally understood something but could not bring themselves to believe it. Hou exclaimed “Why is the Princess here?”
Jing replied for Xiaoyao ” I have invited her here.”

Only Madam Tushan knew the truth about Jing’s coma, Yiying had always thought he was seriously injured and never dreamed that Xiaoyao and Jing would be together. Yiying questioned Jing ” Is it her?”
Jing did not reply, Yiying was so shocked she forgot to hide her emotions. She asked in agitation ” How can it be? Why would she even like you?”

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

  篌将信将疑：“你懂蛊术？这可是九黎族的秘术，你怎么会懂？”

    小夭笑了笑：“反正我懂。
 
璟对小夭说：“我们先回去吧，待奶奶好一点时，我和奶奶说。”

璟带着小夭离开了，篌和意映看着他们的背影，都面色古怪。如果是其他女子，还可以说贪图璟的身份和财富，可小夭什么都有，连眼高于顶的丰隆都在殷勤追求，难以想象她挑来挑去，竟然挑中了璟！

Hou asked in disbelief “You know how to control bugs? That is a secret skill of the Jiuli tribe, how can you know it?”

Xiaoyao smiled “I just know it.”

Jing told Xiaoyao “Let’s go back first, after grandmother gets better, I will speak with her again.”

Jing left with Xiaoyao. Hou and Yiying looked at them, their expressions in disbelief. If it was other women, it can be explained that they are after Jing’s status and wealth. But Xiaoyao had everything, even the lofty Fenglong is wooing her, its difficult to imagine that among all her choices, she would have chosen Jing!

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

 到璟居住的暄熙园了，璟停住步子，和意映施礼告别，意映突然抱住了璟，她似乎在哭泣，身体簌簌颤抖，如一朵风雨中的花，娇弱可怜，急需人的呵护。

    璟想推开她，可意映灵力不比他弱，他用力推了几次都没有推开，反而被意映缠得更加紧，他毕竟是君子，没办法对哀哀哭泣的女人疾言厉色，只能边躲边劝。

As they near Xuanxi Garden where Jing lives, Jing stopped and bowed to excuse himself from Yiying. Yiying suddenly hugged Jing, she seemed to be crying, seemingly a flower in the rain, pitiful and delicate, in need of protection.
Jing wanted to push her off, but her spirit power is not beneath his, he tried twice unsuccessfully and she tightened her grip. He is still a gentleman, he can’t be harsh with a crying woman, so he could only avoid and persuade.
 
苗莆低声道：“璟公子太心软了，有的女人就像藤蔓，看似柔弱得站都站不稳，可如果不狠心挥刀去砍，就只能被她缠住了。”

    小夭默默地走出了亭子，向着远离暄熙园的方向走去。苗莆低声嘟囔：“王姬若觉得心烦，不妨和殿下说一声，殿下有的是法子，把防风意映打发走。”

    小夭道：“两人还没在一起，就要哥哥帮忙解决问题，那以后两人若在一起了，要过一辈子，肯定会碰到各种各样的问题，难道我还要哥哥一直帮我去解决问题？”

Miaopu said in a low voice “Master Jing is too softhearted. Some women are like vines, they look weak and can’t stand on their own but if they are not chopped away ruthlessly, they will latch on.”

Xiaoyao walked out of the pavilion wordlessly, in the opposite direction of Xuanxi garden. Miaopu mumbled in a low voice ” If Princess is bothered, why not tell His Highness. He has plenty of ways to get rid of Fangfeng Yiying.”

Xiaoyao said ” We are not together yet and we already need my brother’s help to solve our problems. If we get together in future to live out our lives, we are bound to meet all kinds of problems. Do I still go to my brother to help me solve my problems?”

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

下午，璟来看小夭，神情透着疲惫，精神很消沉，小夭装作什么都没察觉，一句都没问。

    两人静静坐了会儿，小夭端了一杯木樨花蜜水给璟：“这次跟你来青丘，是为了太夫人的病，如今太夫人的病情已经稳定住，日后只要按时炼制好药丸，送来给太夫人就可以了，所以我想先回去了。”

    璟说：“再过三四日，我就回轵邑，咱们一起走吧！”

小夭笑了笑：“实不相瞒，我在这里住得并不习惯，你知道我的性子，散漫惯了，连五神山都住不了，父王因为明白，所以才由着我在外面晃荡。在这里住着，言行都必须顾及父王和外祖父的体面，不敢随意。”

    璟忙道：“那我派人先送你回去，我陪奶奶一段日子，就去轵邑。”

In the afternoon, Jing came to see Xiaoyao. He seemed exhausted and in very low spirits. Xiaoyao pretended not to notice and did not ask anything.

The two of them sat in silence, Xiaoyao gave him a cup of Osmanthus honey water ” This time I came to Qingqiu for Madam Tushan’s illness. Now that she is stable, we can create the pills on schedule and deliver to her. I want to return already.”

Jing said ” I will return to Zhiyi city in 3-4 days, let’s go together!”

Xiaoyao smiled” I won’t lie to you, I don’t feel comfortable staying here. You know me, I am used to being relaxed and can’t even stay at Mount Wushen for long. My father understood, so he lets me be free outside. When I stay here, I have to watch my actions so that my father and my grandfather won’t lose face.”

Jing said ” Then I will send someone to see you back. I have to accompany grandmother for a few days before going to Zhiyi.”

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

颛顼说：“璟没有料到涂山太夫人只能活一年，打乱了计划，防风意映也没料到。璟已是族长，太夫人一旦死了，涂山家再没有人能约束璟，也就没有人能为防风意映的婚事做主。即使有婚约，可只靠防风氏的力量，肯定没有办法逼得涂山氏的族长娶她。防风意映想成为涂山氏的族长夫人，只能抓紧时间，在太夫人死前举行婚礼。她本来就很着急，你又突然出现在青丘，更让她如临大敌、紧张万分，自然会想尽一切办法去缠着璟，所以这事，你倒不能太怪璟，也没必要往心里去。”

    小夭早知道苗莆必定会把所有的事情向颛顼奏报，没有意外，叹道：“我都不知道你派了苗莆给我，到底是在保护我，还是在监视我？”

颛顼笑道：“你以为珊瑚不会把你的事奏报给师父？关爱就是这样，如寒夜里的被子，能给予温暖，可终究要压在身上，也是一种负担。我们能克制着只派一个人在你身边，你就知足吧！”

Cang Xuan said” Jing did not know that Madam Tushan have only months to live, messing up his plans. Neither did Fangfeng Yiying. Jing is already the Chief, once Madam Tushan passes on, no one else in the family can constrain Jing anymore and no one else will stand up for Fangfeng Yiying’s engagement. Even with the engagement, depending only on Fangfeng family’s power, there is no way they can force the Tushan Chief to marry her. Fangfeng Yiying wants to become the Chief’s wife, she can only do so and proceed with the wedding while Madam Tushan is alive. She was already very anxious, now that you have appeared in Qingqiu, she would react like her enemy has arrived and be extremely nervous, and do her best to cling onto Jing. You don’t have to blame Jing too much and don’t take it to heart.”

Xiaoyao already knew that Miaopu would report everything to Cang Xuan, so she was not surprised. She sighed ” I don’t know if you sent Miaopu to protect me or monitor me?”

Cang xuan smiled ” Do you think Shanhu doesn’t report about you to Master? Love and care is this way. Just as a blanket in the cold night can give you warmth, it will still press on your body like a burden. Just be contented that we have restrained ourselves and only sent one person each!”

长相思第20章 爱恨两依依(1)

颛顼嗤笑：“你这到底是思念师父了，还是想躲开璟？”

    “都有。从我苏醒到璟接任族长，我们一直在被形势推逼着做出选择，可不管如何，如今他已是涂山氏的族长，有一族的命运需要背负，我觉得他应该静下心，好好想想自己的新身份，想想自己究竟需要什么。”

    “你一直说他，你自己呢？你的想法呢？”

    小夭翻身，下巴搭在玉枕上，看着颛顼：“不要说我，你和我一样！我们看似是两个极端，可其实我们一样，我们都不会主动地去争取什么，怕一争取就是错，都只是被动地被选择！”

Cang xuan laughed ” Are you missing Master, or avoiding Jing?”

“A little of both. From my regaining consciousness to Jing succeeding as Tushan Chief , we have been making choices forced by circumstances. But no matter what, now that he is already the Tushan Chief, with the entire clan’s fate resting on him, I think he needs to settle down, consider his new status and think about what he really needs.”

“You have been talking about him, what about you? What do you think?”

Xiaoyao replied ” We are the same, you and I! We look like two extremes but we are the same. We won’t proactively fight for anything, fearing it will be a mistake but passively wait to be chosen!“

长相思第21章 爱恨两依依(2)

小夭又是怜又是恨：“你、你……怎么就不能对自己心狠点？哪里就会离开一个男人，真没办法过日子了？不过剜心之痛而已！”

  阿念哭：“我不是你和父王，我没你们的本事，受了剜心之痛，还能笑着过日子。我只知道，如果没有了颛顼哥哥，每一天不管做什么，一点乐趣都没有，生不如死！”

    “你这样，会让父王很难过。”

    阿念抹着眼泪说：“父王都明白，要不然我怎么可能知道颛顼哥哥身边有女人的事情呢？是父王告诉我的，他还说颛顼哥哥会娶神农族的馨悦。我知道父王是想打消我的念头，但我已和父王说了，我就是忘不了！”

    小夭不解，忘不了？难道以神族漫长的生命，都会忘不掉一个人吗？

Xiaoyao is frustrated and feeling sorry “You….you… why can’t you just be a little more tough on yourself? How can you not be able to live just because you left a man? You just feel heartbroken and that’s it!”

Nian cried ” I am not like you or father, I don’t have your ability to smile and live after being heartbroken. I only know, without Cang xuan, I can’t find any joy in anything that I do, its worse than death!”

“Father will be sad if you are this way.”

Nian wiped her tears ” Father understands it all. How else can I know about all the women around Cang Xuan? Father is the one who told me about it, he also said Cang Xuan will marry Chenrong Xinyue. I know father wants me to give up, but I told him, I just can’t forget!”

Xiaoyao could not understand, ‘can’t forget’? Can one be unable to forget over the long life of a deity?

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

 “阿念要的不是唯一，她只要颛顼对她一辈子好，我相信我哥哥，也相信阿念和哥哥从小到大的情意。阿念应该能幸福，虽然这种幸福不是我能接受的，但就如我看静安王妃不觉得那是幸福，可对静安王妃而言，她一定觉得自己很幸福。幸福是什么呢？不过是得到自己想要的，即使那想要的在别人眼里一文不值。

“Nian does not want to be his one and only, she only wants Cang Xuan to be good to her forever. I trust my brother, and I trust the affection between Nian and my brother as they grew up. Nian should be able to be happy, even though this is not the happiness that I can accept. But just as I don’t consider Consort Jing’an to be blissful, for her, she must feel that she is very happy. What is happiness? Just attaining what one wants, even if it is not worth a dime to another.

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

俊帝笑起来：“你啊！别光顾着给我们分忧，自己的事却全压在心里！”

    小夭笑了笑：“父王别为我操心，我和阿念不一样，我不会有事。”

    俊帝叹了口气，正因为小夭和阿念不一样，连操心都不知道该怎么为她操，才让人挂虑。

The King laughed ” You~! Don’t only share our worries, but suppress everything about yourself in your heart!”

Xiaoyao smiled “Father you don’t have to worry about me, I am different from Nian, I will be fine.”

The King sighed, its precisely because Xiaoyao is different from Nian, he don’t even know how and what to worry for her, that is even more troubling.

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

颛顼说道：“涂山璟在小祝融府，你打算什么时候去见他？”

    “我明天就会去见他，打算和他一起去青丘，帮太夫人再做一些丸药，至少要七八天才能回来，阿念就交给你了。”

    颛顼啜着酒，笑眯眯地看着小夭。

    小夭憋了半晌，终于没忍住，问道：“他最近可好？”

    颛顼笑问：“你想我告诉你吗？”

    小夭无可奈何：“哥哥！”

    颛顼说：“你离开后，他过了十来天才来找你，发现你去了高辛，面色骤变，我向他保证你一定会回来，他才好一些。不过，那段日子他有些反常，馨悦说他通宵在木樨林内徘徊，而且特别喜欢沐浴和换衣服。”

    “沐浴，换衣服？”小夭想起，那次他被意映抱住后，来见她时，就特意换过衣衫。

Cang Xuan said ” Jing is staying at Chenrong Mansion, when are you going to see him?”
” I will see him tomorrow and go to Qingqiu with him. I have to make more pills for Madam Tushan and will need at least a week before I return. I will leave Nian to you.”
Cang xuan sipped his wine and smiled at Xiaoyao.

Xiaoyao restrained herself for a while, but she still couldn’t stop herself from asking “How has he been?”
Cang xuan smiled and asked” Do you want me to tell you?”
Xiaoyao helplessly said ” Brother!”

Cang xuan said ” Since you were gone, he only came to look for you after about 10 days. He seemed very devastated to hear that you have left for Haoling. He got better after I reassured him that you were definitely coming back. However, these days he seemed very abnormal. Xinyue said he would pace all night long in Muxi garden. He would also keep taking baths and changing clothes.”

“Bathing, changing clothes?” Xiaoyao remembered that, the last time she had seen Yiying hugging him, he had changed his clothes before coming to see her.

   

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

颛顼说：“我看璟是不可能在太夫人还活着时，退掉和防风氏的婚约，只能等着太夫人死了。说老实话，我一直看不透涂山璟这个人，丰隆看似精明厉害、飞扬狂妄，可我能掌控他，因为我知道他想要什么。涂山璟看似温和，可他就像泉中水，握不住，抓不牢，根本无法驾驭掌控。他表现得很想和你在一起，却一直没有切实的行动，想要防风氏心甘情愿退婚是不容易，可逼得他们不得不退婚却不难！”

    小夭睨着颛顼：“不会是防风氏又给你添麻烦了吧？你想让璟出头去收拾防风氏？”

    颛顼没好气地说：“我是为你好！”

Cang Xuan said “I don’t think its likely that Jing will be able to cancel the engagement with Fangfeng family while Madam Tushan is alive, only after she passes on. To be honest, I can’t understand Jing. Fenglong looks perceptive and power, wild and arrogant, but I can control him because I know what he wants. Jing looks gentle, but he is like the spring water, I can’t hold it, can’t drive or control it. He seems very eager to be with you, but he has not taken any concrete actions. Its not easy to let the Fangfeng family willingly cancel the engagement, but its not difficult to force them to do it!”

Xiaoyao looked at Cang Xuan ” Are the Fangfeng family giving you problems again? You want Jing to get rid of them?”
Cang Xuan said with annoyance “I am saying this for your own good!”

   

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

    小夭说道：“我明白你的意思，只要不在乎防风意映的死活，是有方法逼防风氏退婚，甚至索性除掉防风意映，人一死，婚约自然就没了。但婚约是璟的娘亲和奶奶亲自定下的，防风意映只是想做族长夫人，并没有对璟做什么大恶事。老实说，如果璟和你一样，真能狠辣到以不惜毁掉防风意映的方式去摆脱防风意映，我反倒会远离他。像你这样的男人看上去杀伐决断、魅力非凡，可我只是个普通的女人，我想要找的是一个能陪伴我一生的人。一生很漫长，会发生太多变故，我相信只有本性善良的人才有可能善良地对我一生，即使我犯了错，他也会包容我。我不相信一个对世人皆狠辣的人会只对我例外，我还没那么强大的自信和自恋。”

Xiaoyao said ” I understand what you mean. As long as we disregard Fangfeng Yiying’s life, there are ways to force Fangfeng family to cancel the engagement, even if it means to kill her. Once she dies, naturally the engagement is nullified. But the engagement has been set by Jing’s mother and grandmother. Fangfeng Yiying only wants to become the Tushan Chief’s wife, she did not do anything bad to Jing. To be frank, if Jing was like you, and he was ruthless enough to destroy Fangfeng Yiying in order to get rid of her, I would distance myself from him. Men like you look decisive and charismatic, but I am just an ordinary woman. I want someone who can accompany me for life. Life is very long, there might be many things that can happen, I believe only someone who has a kind nature will be kind to me my entire life. Even if I make mistakes, he will tolerate and understand me. I don’t believe that a ruthless person will make an exception for me, I am not that narcissistic nor do I have such strong confidence.”

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

  颛顼说：“希望璟能担得起你对他的一番心意！”

    小夭笑着轻叹了口气：“我也希望，说着不要给自己希望，可哪里真能做到呢？在五神山时，总会时不时就想到他。”

Cangxuan said: ” I hope Jing will be worthy of your affections!”

Xiaoyao smiled and sighed softly “I hope so too. Saying not to give myself hope, but how can that be really possible?
When I was at Mount Wushen, I would always think of him now and then.”

长相思第22章 爱恨两依依(3)

 璟站在案前，静静地看着小夭，目光沉静克制。

    小夭心内咯噔一下，觉得他好似有点异样，笑问道：“怎么了？不欢迎我来吗？太夫人的丸药应该要吃完了，我们去青丘吧！”

    璟好似这才清醒过来，几步走过来，想拥小夭入怀，可又好似有些犹豫，只拉住了小夭的手。

    小夭笑说：“走吧！”

    “嗯。”璟拉着小夭，出了门。

    两人上了云辇，璟依旧异常沉静。

Jing stood there and looked at Xiaoyao quietly, with restraint in his eyes.
Xiaoyao’s heart missed a beat as she felt that there was something odd with him, smiled ” What is it? Am I not welcome? Madam Tushan’s pills must be running out, lets go to Qingqiu!”

Jing only seemed to stir at this. He walked forward a few steps, wanting to hug Xiaoyao, but he seemed hesistant, and he only took her hands.

Xiaoyao said with a smile “Let’s go!”
Jing left with Xiaoyao. They got on the sky carriage and Jing was still unusually quiet.

长相思第23章 忽闻悲风调(1)

“奴婢看到防风意映去暄熙园找璟公子，静夜冷着脸，堵在门口，压根儿没让她进门，真是一点情面都没给。静夜敢这么对防风意映，肯定是璟公子吩咐过。谢天谢地，璟公子终于开窍了！”

    小夭笑起来：“你啊，有些东西是你的自然是你的，不是你的盯着也没用。”

“I saw Fangfeng Yiying look for Master Jing in Xuanxi garden and was blocked coldly by Jingye, without any regard for her status. Since Jingye dared to treat Fangfeng Yiying like this, it must be under the instruction of Master Jing. Thank goodness, Master Jing finally wised up!”

Xiaoyao laughed ” You~~ what is yours is yours, if it doesn’t belong to you, its no use to keep an eye on it.”

长相思第23章 忽闻悲风调(1)

小夭走到榻边，手指搭在意映的手腕上，一瞬后，脸色骤变，她自己竟然摇晃了一下，好似要跌倒，婢女忙扶住她。

    太夫人急问道：“怎么了？很严重吗？”

    小夭深吸了口气，扶着婢女的手坐到榻上。她强压着一切情绪，再次为防风意映诊脉。一会儿后，她收回手，走到了一旁，掩在袖中的手簌簌发颤，甚至她觉得自己的腿都在打战，却微笑着，声音平稳地说：“防风小姐有身孕了。”

Xiaoyao took Yiying’s wrist, after a while, her expression changed, she nearly fell down, and her maid quickly supported her.
Madam Tushan asked anxiously “What is it? Is it very serious?”

Xiaoyao took a deep breath and sat on the bed. She suppressed all her emotions, and took Yiying’s pulse again. She took her hand back and her hand hidden in her sleeve trembled slightly. She even felt her legs trembling slightly, but she said with a smile and an even voice ” Miss Fangfeng is pregnant.”

长相思第23章 忽闻悲风调(1)

  小夭力持镇静地看向璟，璟脸色煞白，满面悲痛绝望。

    小夭笑了起来，她本来还存了侥幸，希望这孩子和璟无关。

    屋内的人都围聚在榻旁，小夭转身，向外走去，没有人留意到她的离去，只有璟盯着她，嘴唇哆嗦着，却什么声音都发不出来。
 珊瑚和苗莆看小夭从太夫人屋内走出，一直微笑着，好似心情十分好。

Xiaoyao maintained her composure as she turned to look at Jing. Jing’s face was pale, his face full of pain and despair.

Xiaoyao smiled, she had still held on, hoping this child had nothing to do with Jing.

Everyone crowded around the bed, Xiaoyao turned and walked out. No one else but Jing noticed she was leaving.

Shanhu and Miaopu saw Xiaoyao leave Madam Tushan’s room, all smiles, and thought she was in a very good mood.

长相思第23章 忽闻悲风调(1)

      璟心内是翻江倒海的痛苦：“小夭，我……”

    小夭静静地凝视着他，在专注地聆听。

    璟艰难地说：“三个多月前，就是你第一次给奶奶制药那段日子，意映缠我缠得非常紧，往日，我可以立即离开青丘，躲开她，可奶奶有病，我逃都逃不了。有一晚，她竟然试图自尽，连奶奶都惊动了。在奶奶的训斥下，我只能守着她，后来……我觉得我看到你了，你一直对我笑……”璟满面愧疚，眼中尽是痛苦，“我也不知道发生了什么事，只知道我醒来时，我和意映相拥而眠。”

    小夭淡淡说：“你应该是中了迷失神志和催发情欲的药。可你跟我学习过很长一段日子的医术，怎么会那么容易中了意映的药？”

    璟的手紧握成拳头，似乎满腔愤怒，却又无力地松开：“是奶奶给我下的药。”至亲的设计，让他连愤怒都无处可以发泄。

    小夭有点惊诧，轻声说：“竟然是太夫人。”

Jing was filled with overwhelming pain ” Xiaoyao, I….”
Xiaoyao looked at him quietly, listening intently.

Jing said with great difficulty ” About 3 months ago, Yiying was being more persistent than usual. In the past, I could leave Qingqiu to avoid her, but grandmother is ill, I can’t escape. One night, she tried to kill herself. Grandmother made me stand watch over her…. later on, I thought I saw you… and you kept smiling at me…” Jing’s face is full of guilt, eyes full of pain ” I didn’t know what happened, only that when I woke, I was lying with Yiying.”

Xiaoyao said mildly” You must have been drugged by something that made you confused and stimulated your lust. But you have been studying medicine with me for so many years, how did you fall for Fangfeng Yiying’s drug so easily?”

Jing clenched his fist, full of anger but helplessly released it ” My grandmother drugged me.” Set up by his nearest and dearest, he can’t even vent his anger anywhere.

Xiaoyao was a little surprised and said softly “So it was Madam Tushan.”

    

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

    璟痛苦地弯着身子，用手捂住脸：“意映告诉我，她只是想做我的妻子，如果我想杀了她，可以动手。那一刻，我真的想杀了她，可我更应该杀了的是自己……我从她屋内逃出，逃到了轵邑，却不敢去见你，躲在离戎昶的地下赌场里，日日酩酊大醉，十几日后，离戎昶怒把我赶到小祝融府，我才知道原来你早去了高辛。”

    小夭想，难怪那三个月来，璟很反常，一直没有联系她。

Jing doubled over in pain and held his face in his hands “Yiying told me, she only wanted to be my wife. If I wanted to kill her, I could. In that moment, I really wanted to kill her, but the one I should really kill is myself… I ran out of her room, escaped to Zhiyi, but I did not dare to go to see you… I hid in Lirong Chang’s casino getting drunk. After about 10 days, Lirong Chang kicked me out to the Chenrong Mansion, that’s when I found out you already left for Haoling.”

    璟说：“我本想寻个机会告诉你这事，可你要赶着为奶奶制药，一直没机会。等你制完药，没等我和你坦白，意映就、就晕倒了……小夭，对不起！”

    小夭沉默了半晌，说道：“谢谢你告诉我这些，至少让我觉得我没有看错你，我的信任没有给错人，但事情已经发生了，一切已经无法挽回，你也不要再怨怪自己了。”

    小夭摘下脖子上戴的鱼丹紫项链，轻轻放在了璟面前：“太夫人应该近期会为你和意映举行婚礼，到时，我就不去恭贺你了，在这里提前祝福你们，相敬如宾、白头偕老。”

Jing said “I wanted to find a chance to tell you about this, but you were making medicine for grandmother, I never found an opportunity. After you were done, Yiying fainted before I could come clean with you…. Xiaoyao, I’m sorry!”
Xiaoyao was silent for a while, and said” Thank you for telling me these, at least I know I did not misjudge you. I didn’t give my trust to the wrong person. But this has already happened and cannot be undone, you should not blame yourself anymore.”

Xiaoyao took off the purple fishcore necklace, “Madam Tushan will probably hold your wedding with Fangfeng Yiying soon, I won’t be attending, so I will wish you every happiness now.”

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

    颛顼让鄞退下，阿念困惑地问：“姐姐，你碰到什么事了？竟然能让你这种人都伤心？”

    小夭笑道：“我这种人？说得我好像没长心一样。”

    颛顼道：“这屋子里就我们兄妹三人，你既然笑不出来，就别再强撑着笑给别人看了！”

    小夭微微笑着：“倒不是笑给别人看，而是习惯了，根本哭不出来，反正生命就是如此，哭也一天，笑也一天，既然总是要过，最好还是笑着面对，毕竟笑脸人人爱看，哭声却没几人喜欢！”

Cang Xuan dismissed everyone else, Nian asked with puzzlement “Sister, what has happened? Someone like you can become so sad?”

Xiaoyao smiled ” Someone like me? You make it sound like I don’t have a heart.”

Cang Xuan said ” There is only 3 of us here. If you can’t laugh, don’t force a smile for others.”

Xiaoyao smiled slightly “Its not about smiling for others. I’m just used to it, I can’t cry. Life goes on whether I laugh or cry, so its better to face it smiling. After all every one likes a smiling face, very few like to hear crying!”

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

“我没事，自小到大，什么事没碰到过啊？难道还真能为个男人要死要活吗？”

    “是啊，你没事，吐血发烧生病的人是另一个人，不是你。”

    “别说得那么严重，过几日就全好了。”

“I’m fine, what haven’t I experienced since I was a child? Would I do anything drastic over a man?”

“Yes you are fine. The one who is sick with a fever and vomited blood is not you, its someone else.”

“Don’t make it sound so serious, I will be fine in a few days.”

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

虽然小夭没有发出一声哭泣，可随着眼泪，鼻子有些堵，鼻息自然而然就变得沉重，在静谧的殿内格外清晰。

Xiaoyao did not make a sound as she cried, but along with her tears, her breathing became heavier, and resounded within the quiet halls.

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

 小夭看着水漏，默默计算着时辰，马上就要是吉辰了。此时，璟应该已经和意映站在喜堂中。

    水漏中的水一滴滴落下，每一滴都好似毒药，落到了小夭心上，腐蚀得她的心千疮百孔。小夭知道自己不该想，却如着了魔一般，盯着水漏，一边算时间，一边想着璟现在该行什么礼了。

    涂山府肯定张灯结彩，十分热闹！

    璟一身吉服，和意映并肩而站。

璟和意映徐徐拜倒……意映如愿以偿，肯定心花怒放，可璟呢？璟是什么表情……

小夭突然觉得心一阵急跳，跳得她几乎喘不过气来，跳得眼前的幻象全部散开。

Xiaoyao stared at the water clock, quietly counting down the hours… it will be the auspicious hour soon. At this moment, Jing should be in the wedding hall with Fangfeng Yiying.

As the water fell down drop by drop, every drop seems like poison on Xiaoyao’s heart, corroding it with hundreds of holes. Xiaoyao knew that she should not be thinking about it, but it was as if she was under a spell, as she started at the water clock, counting the time, while thinking which ritual Jing should be doing right now.

Tushan Manor should be decorated and very lively!
Jing in wedding attire, standing beside Yiying.

Jing and Yiying taking a bow…. Yiying finally got her wish, she must be ecstatic, but what about Jing? How will Jing look like…..
Xiaoyao suddenly felt her heart palpitating, making her breathless, ending the illusions before her eyes.

长相思第24章 忽闻悲风调(2)

小夭的病渐渐好了，她又开始做毒药。

    生病的这段日子，颛顼代她收了不少灵草灵药，小夭没吃多少，正好用来调制毒药。

    小夭谈笑如常，可她做的毒药全是暗色调，黑色的蝙蝠、黑色的葫芦、黑色的鸳鸯、黑色的芙蓉花……一个个摆放在盒子里，看上去简直让人心情糟糕透顶。但通过制作这一个个黑暗无比的毒药，小夭却将痛苦宣泄出来一些。

Xiaoyao gradually got better, she began to make poisons again.
While she had been ill, Cang Xuan collected many spirit herbs and medicine for her. Xiaoyao didn’t eat much of it, she now used them to make poisons.

Xiaoyao seemed to be cheerful as before, but her poisons are all black in color. Black bats, black gourds, black mandarin ducks, black lotus.….. she placed them all in a box and just looking at them will ruin anyone’s mood. But by making these dark looking poisons, Xiaoyao released some of her pain.

长相思第25章 忽闻悲风调(3)

小夭本来只想让阿念醉一场，可阿念絮絮叨叨地说着她和颛顼的往事，小夭想起了璟，平日里藏起的悲伤全涌上了心头，禁不住也喝了一杯又一杯，直到稀里糊涂地醉睡了过去。

Xiaoyao had only intended to let Nian get drunk, but as Nian chattered on about her past with Cang Xuan, Xiaoyao started to remember Jing. The sorrows she had usually suppressed all came rushing to mind. She couldn’t help drinking cup by cup, until she passed out drunk.

长相思第25章 忽闻悲风调(3)

一年多后，在轵邑城，由小祝融主婚，颛顼迎娶曋氏的嫡女淑惠为侧妃，轩辕的七王子禹阳赶来轵邑，以颛顼长辈的身份，代黄帝封赐了淑惠。

After about a year, Cang Xuan wedded Shen Shuhui as his consort. Fenglong’s father presided over the wedding in Zhiyi city as a Minister of the Central plains.

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

西陵族长看到璟一直低着头，沉默地坐在席位上，带着几个晚辈走过去，故作发怒地说：“璟，你架子倒是大了！”

    淳和璟也相熟，活泼地说：“璟哥哥，上次我见你，你还是很和蔼可亲的，怎么才一年不见，就变得冷冰冰了？”

    璟站了起来，微笑着和西陵族长见礼，西陵族长和淳都愣了，璟的两鬓竟已有了几丝白发，淳还是少年心性，失声问道：“璟哥哥，你怎么了？”

    西陵族长扫了他一眼，淳立即噤声。西陵族长笑呵呵地问着太夫人的身体，璟一一回答。

Chief of Xiling saw Jing sitting silently by himself, and brought over a few juniors over, saying in mock anger “Jing, you are acting more superior these days!”
Chun knows Jing well, said cheerfully “Brother Jing, the last time I saw you, you were still very affable, how is it that its only been a year since we met, you became so frosty?”

Jing stood up, smiled and bowed to the Xiling Chief. Both the Chief and Chun were stunned, Jing already had greying hair on his temples. Chun being still a young child, cried out ” Brother Jing, what happened to you?”
Chief Xiling gave him a look and he immediately went silent. Chief Xiling laughingly asked after Madam Tushan’s health, Jing replied accordingly.

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

    小夭已一年多没见过璟，看到他这样子，小夭保持着微笑，静静地站在西陵族长身后。还记得归墟海中，他扯落发冠时，她的心悸情动，也记得耳鬓厮磨时，她指间绕着他的发，一头青丝、满心情思。一切就好似昨日，却已是青丝染霜，情思断裂。

 小夭只觉心如被一只大手撕扯着，痛得好似就要碎裂，她却依旧笑意盈盈。突然，她的心剧烈地跳动起来，小夭再维持不住微笑，这就好像一个人能面不改色地忍受刀剑刺入的疼痛，却无法在剧烈运动之后，控制自己的脸色和呼吸。小夭不禁抚着自己的心口，深吸了几口气。

Xiaoyao had not seen Jing for over a year. Seeing him like this, Xiaoyao maintained her smile and stood quietly by. She still remembered how her heart had pounded seeing his hair flying in the wind when they had been out at sea. She remembered how when they were so close, she would twirl her fingers around his hair. A head full of black hair, a heart full of love. Everything seemed like it was just yesterday, but the black hair is now streaked with snow, and the feelings have been severed.

Xiaoyao felt as if a big hand was tearing at her heart, she was hurting as if it would shatter, but she remained smiling brightly. Suddenly her heart beat extremely hard, Xiaoyao could no longer remain smiling. Its like how a person can remain smiling after being stabbed but cannot control their expression or breathing after extreme exercise. Xiaoyao couldn’t help but clutch at her heart and took a few deep breaths.

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

 璟焦灼地一手握住小夭的手腕，一手握着酒杯，化酒为雾。众人都知道涂山氏的障术可惑人五感，用来止疼最是便捷，所以都没觉得奇怪。

    心依旧在剧烈地跳着，跳得她全身的血都好似往头部涌，小夭忍不住喃喃说：“相柳，你有完没完？”

    其他人只隐约听到完没完，璟离得最近，又十分熟悉小夭的语声，将一句话听了个十分清楚。

    心跳慢慢恢复了正常，小夭轻轻挣脱了璟的手：“谢谢，我好了。”

    璟的手缩回去，握成了拳头，强自压抑着心内的一切。

    小夭站起，客气地对他行了一礼，缩到了淳和西陵族长的身后，西陵族长说道：“我们过去坐吧！”

Jing anxiously held onto Xiaoyao, one hand on the wine cup and dissipated the wine into a fine mist. Every one knows that Tushan family has skills that can confound a person’s five senses. This being used to ease pain is very efficient, so nobody thought it was strange.

Her heart still pounded violently, until she felt like all the blood in her body is rushing to her head. Xiaoyao couldn’t stand it and muttered ” Xiangliu, are you quite done?”

Others only heard the end part, but Jing is very close and he is used to Xiaoyao’s voice, so he heard it very clearly.

Her heartbeat slowly returned to normal, Xiaoyao took her hand back from Jing and said “Thank you, I’m fine now.”

Jing withdrew his hand and clenched it, suppressing everything he is feeling in his heart.

Xiaoyao stood up and bowed politely to him.

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

  终是小夭先开了口：“你去参加了璟和意映的婚礼？”

    “我再浪荡不羁，小妹和涂山族长的婚礼总还是要去的。”

    “我心里的难受，你都有感觉？”小夭脸色发红，说不清是羞是恼。心之所以被深藏在身体内，就是因为人心里的情感，不管是伤心还是欢喜，都是一种很私密的感觉。可现在，她的心在相柳面前变得赤裸裸，她觉得自己像是脱了衣服，在任凭相柳浏览。

    相柳轻声笑起来：“你要是怕什么都被我感觉到，就别自己瞎折腾自己，你别心痛，我也好过一些。”

Xiaoyao asked first “Did you attend Jing and Yiying’s wedding?”
“Even though I am a free spirit, I can’t miss the wedding of my sister and Chief Tushan.”

“You can feel it when I am upset?” Xiaoyao’s face was flushed, out of embarrassment or annoyance, she couldn’t say. The heart is hidden deep inside the body, its because the emotions, whether sadness or happiness, is a very private feeling. But now, her heart is laid bare before Xiangliu, she felt as if she had taken off her clothes before him, at his mercy to look at.

Xiangliu laughed “If you are afraid of me feeling it, then don’t torment yourself. If your heart doesn’t ache, I’ll feel better.”
 

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

  小夭听到他后半句话，立即精神一振，问道：“我身体上九分的痛，到你身上只有一分，可我心上的痛，是不是我有几分，你就有几分？”

    相柳坦率地道：“是！你心有几分痛，我心就有几分痛，那又如何？难道你打算用这个对付我？”

小夭颓然，是啊！肉体的疼痛可以自己刺伤自己，但，伤心和开心却作不得假。

Xiaoyao perked up at his words, and asked ” Pain on my body only becomes one ninth on yours, but the pain in my heart, is it the full amount?”

Xiangliu candidly replied” Yes! I feel the full amount of your pain in your heart, but so what? Do you plan to use this against me?”

Xiaoyao felt dispirited. That’s right! You can stab yourself to feel pain in your body, but you can’t fake sadness or happiness.
 

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

     相柳似真似假地说：“你以后别闹心痛，再给我添麻烦，说不定我就决定把你杀了！”

 小夭不满：“当年又不是我强迫着你种蛊。”

    “当年，我知道你很没用，肯定会时常受伤，但没想到你这么没用，连自己的心都护不住。”

Xiangliu said half seriously “Don’t have heartaches anymore. If you give me more trouble, maybe I will decide to kill you once and for all!”

Xiaoyao said resentfully ” I didn’t force you to plant the bug back then.”

“Back then, I knew you were useless and would often get hurt. But I didn’t expect you to be so useless that you can’t even guard your own heart.”

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

 相柳唇畔含着笑意，拉着小夭继续往下游去，小夭憋得脸色由青转白，脑内天人交战，亲还是不亲？

    当年是因为对璟的承诺，如今已事过境迁，璟都已经成婚，她又何苦来哉，和自己的小命过不去……小夭终于做了决定，她拉着相柳的手，借他的力，向他凑了过去。

Xiangliu pulled Xiaoyao deeper into the sea. Xiaoyao is suffocating and her face is turning from blue to white, her brain at war with itself, to kiss or not?

Back then it was because of her promise to Jing, but things have changed since. Jing is already married, why should she be hard on herself now and risk her life right now….. Xiaoyao finally made a decision, she pulled Xiangliu’s hand and moved over closer to him.

长相思第26章 风回处，寄珍重(1)

    颛顼沉默了一瞬，说：“你对璟另眼相待，他却辜负了你……他将来会后悔的！”

    小夭眉梢有哀伤：“他的后悔我要来何用？既然不能在一起，不如各自忘得一干二净，全当陌路吧！”

    “你到现在，还没忘记他？”

    小夭想嘴硬地说“忘记了”，可她欺骗不了自己。

    自从失去了璟，她再没有睡过整觉。

    她想他！她对璟的思念，超过了任何人以为的程度，甚至吓住了她自己。

Cang Xuan was silent for a while, “You treated Jing differently but he let you down… he will regret it in the future!”
Xiaoyao looked distressed ” What use will I have of his regret? Since we can’t be together, its better to forget each other completely. Let’s just be strangers!”
“You still can’t forget him?”
Xiaoyao wanted to say “I have forgotten”, but she couldn’t lie to herself.

Since she had lost Jing, she has never had a full night’s sleep.
She missed him! Her yearning for Jing, exceeded what anyone had thought, and scared even herself.

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

    她一直以为自己把一切控制得很好，即使璟离开，她也能坦然接受。可是，当一切发生时，她才发现高估了自己。她能凭借强大的意志，理智地处理整件事情，控制自己的行为，不生气、不迁怒、不失态、不去见他，依旧若无其事地过日子，可是每个夜晚，她控制不了自己的思念。

    有一次，她梦到了璟在吻她，梦里甘甜如蜜，惊醒时，却满嘴苦涩，连喝下的蜜水都发苦。

    小夭不想回忆，可不管睁开眼睛、闭上眼睛，心里的一幕幕全是两人耳鬓厮磨时。记忆是那么清晰，温存似乎还留在唇畔，却一切不可再得。

    每次想到，以后再看不到他，听不到他说话，他的一切与自己无关，她的生命里也不会再有他的身影，那种痛苦，让小夭觉得，宁愿永坠梦里，再不醒来。

    小夭低声说：“我以为一切都在我的掌控中，可原来，感情是不由人控制的。”

She had always thought that she had everything in hand, even if Jing were to leave, she could accept it calmly. But when everything happened, she realized she had over-estimated herself. She could rely on her strong will, to handle the entire incident sensibly. To have control over her own actions, not to be angry, not take out her anger on others, not lose her composure, not to go to see him, spend her days as if nothing had happened. But every night, she can’t control her own longing.

Once, she had dreamt that Jing was kissing her. In the dream she tasted honey, when she woke up with a start, she only tasted bitterness in her mouth, even the water she drank tasted bitter.
Xiaoyao did not want to remember, but no matter if she opened her eyes or closed her eyes, all she can remember are how the two of them had been so close and intimate. The memories are so clear, the warmth still seemed on her lips, but she can no longer have these anymore.

Every time she thought that, she will never get to see him again, can never hear him speak, everything about him will have nothing to do with her, he will no longer appear in her life; this pain, made Xiaoyao feel that, she rather remain in her dream and never wake.
Xiaoyao said in a low voice ” I thought everything was in my control, but it turns out, emotions can’t be controlled at all.”

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

小夭端起酒，边喝边道：“也许就像外爷所说，鹣鲽情深可遇不可求，但只要选对了人，相敬如宾、白头到老并不难。我已经不相信自己了，你帮我选一个吧！”

Xiaoyao took up her wine, as she drank she said” Maybe its like what grandfather said, deep love is something we can’t ask for, but with the right person, its not difficult to treat each other with respect and live to an old age. I already don’t believe in myself, you choose for me!”

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

小夭看阿念明白了，叹道：“这世上，不只人会嫉妒，老天也会嫉妒，好事、快乐的事，都只要自己知道就好了，拿出来四处炫耀，万一被老天听到了，也许他就会夺走。”老天夺不夺，小夭不肯定，却肯定人一定会夺。

Xiaoyao saw that Nian understood and sighed ” In this world, not only people will be jealous, even the heavens will be jealous. Good things, happy things, just keep it to yourself. If you take it out to show it off, if the heavens hear it, maybe he will take it away.” Xiaoyao isn’t sure if the Heavens will take it away or not, but people will definitely snatch it.

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

小夭带着阿念在小祝融府住了将近两个月，到走时，阿念已经可以和馨悦说说笑笑，连馨悦都不敢相信，这还是那个一撩拨就着火的王姬吗？不管她怎么故意试探，阿念都能平静地听着，眉眼中有一种好似藏着什么秘密的从容，倒变得有一点小夭的风范了。

    回到紫金宫，阿念对淑惠就更加从容了，毕竟，在阿念眼中，只有馨悦可以和她一争，别人阿念都没放在眼里。

    颛顼惊叹，问小夭：“你怎么做到的？”

“不是我，而是因为她自己。女人……”小夭叹气，“为了男人能把命都舍去，还有什么做不到呢？”

    颛顼听出了小夭的话外之意，一时间却不想思考这事，把话题转到了小夭身上：“你和璟已没有关系，丰隆试探地问我，你有没有可能考虑一下他。”

    “啊？”小夭晕了一会儿，才说道，“虽然璟已成婚，可我目前没有心情考虑别的男人。”

Xiaoyao brought Nian to stay at the Chenrong mansion for nearly two months. By the time they left, Nian can talk and laugh with Xinyue. Even Xinyue is unable to believe it, is this still the Princess who flares up at the slightest teasing? No matter how she tested her, Nian can listen calmly, her eyes hiding some secret tranquility, having some of Xiaoyao’s manner.

Back in the Zijin palace, Nian is more gracious towards Shuhui. After all, in Nian’s eyes, only Xinyue can vie with her, Nian did not consider anyone else a threat.
Cang Xuan exclaimed to Xiaoyao ” How did you do it?”

“Its not me, its because of herself… women….” Xiaoyao sighed ” They can throw away their lives for men, what else can’t they do?”
Cang Xuan understood her implied meaning ( about Nian’s feelings for him ), but did not want to think about it right now, so he changed the topic to Xiaoyao instead “You and Jing no longer have anything to do with each other. Fenglong had tried to sound me out, if you are willing to consider him.”

“Ah?” Xiaoyao felt dizzy for a moment, and replied ” Even though Jing has married, but I don’t have the frame of mind to consider other men right now.”

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

当年，给太夫人看病时，小夭预估太夫人只能多活一年，没想到太夫人竟然多活了两年，应该是篌和璟的孝顺让太夫人心情大好，活到了重孙出生。

    太夫人走得了无遗憾，可她想过给别人留下的遗憾吗？

Back then, when she attended to Madam Tushan, she had estimated that she could live for one more year, but unexpectedly she managed to live for two more years. Hou and Jing must have been very filial and pleased her so much so that she managed to live until her great grandson is born.

Madam Tushan had passed on with no regrets, but has she ever considered the regrets she have given to others?

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

小夭犹豫了会儿，问道：“太夫人过世后，涂山族长可还好？”

    蛇莓儿道：“看上去不大好。以前，族长很和善风趣，这两三年，除了在太夫人面前强颜欢笑着尽孝，我从没见族长笑过。”

Xiaoyao hesitated for a little, and asked ” After Madam Tushan passed, how is the Chief Tushan doing?”

Shemei’er said ” He does not look very good. In the past, the Chief used to be very kind and humorous. These two, three years, unless he was before Madam Tushan and forcing himself to smile, I have never seen him laugh once.”

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

看着巍峨的重重殿宇，小夭突然觉得疲惫，疲惫得就好像整个人要散掉了，她无力地坐在了石阶上。

    山风渐渐大了，身上有些冷，小夭却就是不想动，依旧呆呆地看着夕阳余晖中，落叶潇潇而下。

    
As she looked at the towering palaces, Xiaoyao suddenly felt very exhausted. So exhausted that she felt she was going to break apart. She sat down weakly on the stone steps.
The mountain winds have become stronger, and she felt a little cold, but Xiaoyao just did not feel like moving. She sat there watching the sun going down in a daze, as leaves fell around her.

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

    颛顼走到她身后，把自己的披风解下，裹到她身上：“在想什么？想了一下午都没想通吗？”

    “本来想了很多，一直都想不通，后来什么都没想了。其实，人生真无奈，不管再强大，世间最大的两件事情都无法掌握。”

    颛顼挑挑眉头：“哦？哪两件？说来听听！”

    “生！死！我们无法掌控自己的生，也无法掌控自己的死。有时候想想，连这两件大事都无法掌控，别的事情又有什么好想、好争的呢？真觉得没意思！”

Cang Xuan walked up behind her and put his cloak around her “What are you thinking of? You still troubled after thinking about it the entire afternoon?”

“I had thought of many things, but I can’t figure them out, and I stopped thinking about it. Actually, I don’t think we have a say in life, no matter how powerful or strong, there is two things we cannot control.”
Cang Xuan raised his brow “Oh? Which two? Tell me about it!”

“Life and death!” We can’t control our own life and can’t control our own death. Sometimes I think, if we can’t even have a say in these two things, why do we bother to fight and long for other things? Its so pointless!”

长相思第28章 风回处，寄珍重(3)

季春之月正是百花盛开时，黄帝命苍林准备百花宴，邀请各氏族来赏花游乐。

    璟、丰隆、馨悦都接到了邀请，众人纷纷去赴宴，颛顼被晾在紫金顶。如果这个时候，颛顼还不明白黄帝在敲打他，那颛顼就是傻子了。

    俊帝也察觉了形势危急，不惜暴露隐藏在中原的高辛细作，命他们迅速把小夭和阿念接离中原，送回高辛境内。为了安全，还下令他们分开走。

Spring time was when hundreds of flowers bloomed, the King of Xiyan ordered a feast and invited many families to enjoy the flowers and have a good time.

Jing, Fenglong, Xinyue all received invitations, but Cang Xuan was left at the Zijin Peak. If this time Cang Xuan still did not understand that the Xiyan king is punishing him, then he is a fool.

The King of Haoling also preceived that the situation has become critical. He did not hesitate to reveal his Haoling spies that were in deep cover in the Central plains and ordered them to bring back Xiaoyao and Nian back within Haoling borders. To be safe, they were even ordered to travel seperately.

长相思第29章 等闲平地起波澜(1)

颛顼对小夭说：“夜里，我要出去一趟，你和我一块儿去吗？”

    “去啊！”

    “璟会在。”

    小夭笑笑：“我和他已没有关系，只当他是哥哥的朋友，为什么要回避他？”

Cang Xuan told Xiaoyao ” I will be going out in the night, do you want to come with?”
“Sure!”
“Jing will be there.”
Xiaoyao said with a smile ” He has nothing to do with me anymore, I only see him as my brother’s friend, why should I avoid him?”

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

小夭早知道璟会在，已有心理准备，神情如常，笑着对两人问好，真的就是把璟看作了颛顼的朋友。璟却没料到小夭会来，神色骤变，当发现小夭对他自然大方，已经把过去一切都当作了过眼云烟时，他更是难掩神伤。

    小夭微微笑着，毫不在意，其他两人只能当作什么都没感受到。

Xiaoyao already knew Jing would be there so she was prepared. Her demeanor was normal as she greeted them with smiles, treating Jing like her brother’s friend. But Jing did not expect Xiaoyao to be there, his expression changed. When he found that Xiaoyao was very natural and have put the past behind her, he found it very difficult to hide his sadness.

Xiaoyao smiled slightly, seeming unaffected, the other two can only pretend they did not notice anything.

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

 颛顼把小夭送到了寝殿，转身想走，却又停住步子，回身问道：“见到璟是什么感觉？”

    “你一大堆事情要做，还有闲情操心我的琐事？”

    颛顼问：“你心里真和你表面一样，把一切都当作了过眼云烟？”

Cang Xuan sent Xiaoyao back to her room. He was about to leave when he stopped and asked ” How does it feel to see Jing today?”

“You have so many things to do, you have the spare time to worry about my trivial matters?”
Cang Xuan continued “Are you really like how you seem, treating everything like bygones?”

  

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

    小夭沉默了一会儿，轻声道：“不是。我看到他难受的样子，居然觉得有点开心。如果他今日和我一样，谈笑如常，云淡风轻，我只怕会很难过。”小夭自嘲地吁了口气，“明知道一切都已过去，我想尽快忘记他，嘴里也说着大家只当陌路，可心底深处并不想他忘记我。我心口不一……我自己表现得什么都不在乎，却不允许他不在乎，如果他真敢这么快就不在乎了，我非恨死他不可……”小夭摇头苦笑，“我是不是很有病？”   

Xiaoyao softly said “No. When I saw him looking sad, I actually felt a little happy. If he was like me today, chatting and laughing as if nothing had happened, I guess I will be very upset.” Xiaoyao said as if mocking herself “I know everything is already over, I want to forget him as soon as possible. Even though I said we should act like strangers, but deep down I don’t want him to forget me. I always say what I don’t mean….. I can seem like I don’t care, but I don’t allow him not to care. If he really stopped caring so soon, I think I will hate him to death….” Xiaoyao smiled bitterly as she shook her head ” Is there something very wrong with me?”

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

    颛顼怔怔地听着，一瞬后，才道：“这不是有病，只是你对他动了真情。”颛顼的表情很苦涩，“小夭，我现在很后悔，如果不是我当年太想借助涂山璟的力量，也许就不会有今日的一切。”

    小夭走到他身前：“你忘记了吗？在你出现之前，我就救了他。”

Cang Xuan listened as if in a trance, after a while he said ” Its not an illness, its just that you have really fallen for him.”
Cang Xuan looked very bitter ” Xiaoyao, I am regretting this so much now. If I had not wanted Tushan Jing’s support back then, maybe there won’t be the situation today.”

Xiaoyao said ” Have you forgotten? Before you appeared, I have already saved him.”

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

 “那时你可没对他动情，是我不但给了他机会，还为他创造机会，让他一步步接近你。”

    和璟走到今日，的确很多次都是因为颛顼——如果不是颛顼要抓她，她不会找璟求助，也许某一天换掉容貌，就无声无息地消失了；如果不是颛顼把他们关在龙骨地牢里，璟不会有机会提出十五年之约；如果不是因为颛顼需要璟，她不会明明决定了割舍又回去找璟……

    小夭推着颛顼往外走，笑道：“我和璟之间的事，你只是适逢其会，何况我并不后悔喜欢他，你又何必赶着自责？不要担心，时间会抚平一切，我只是还需要一些时间去忘记他。”

“You didn’t have real feelings for him then. I not only gave him chances, I even created opportunities for him, to approach you step by step.”

Reaching this point with Jing, its true that many times it was because of Cang Xuan — If Cang Xuan had not wanted to capture her, she won’t have gone to Jing for help, maybe one day she would just change her appearance and disappear without a trace; If Cang Xuan had not locked them in the Dragonbone prison, Jing won’t have the chance to propose the 15 year promise; If Cang Xuan had not needed Jing, she won’t have gone back to find Jing even after she had made up her mind to give him up……”

Xiaoyao pushed Cang Xuan to leave, and laughed ” What happened between Jing and me, you just happened to be present… Besides, I’ve never regretted liking him, so why are you rushing to blame yourself for it? Don’t worry, time will heal everything, I just need a little more time to forget him.”

长相思第31章 等闲平地起波澜(3)

小夭有点晕：“你知道我和璟曾……你和璟是好朋友、好兄弟，你不介意吗？”

    “这有什么好介意的？好东西自然人人都想要，我只是遗憾被他抢了先，可惜他终究没福，和你没有夫妻的缘分。我做事不喜欢遮遮掩掩，来问你前，已经告诉璟我想娶你。我和他直接挑明说了，只要你答应了嫁我，我一定会好好珍惜你，希望他也把一切念头都打消。你于他而言，从今往后，只是朋友的妻子。”

    “他怎么说？”

    “他什么都没说。看得出他很难过，但只要你同意，我相信他会祝福我们。”

Xiaoyao felt a little faint “You know that Jing and I were…. You are good friends with Jing, good brothers, don’t you mind?”

“What is there to mind? Good things are desired by all. I just regret that he won you over first. Unfortunately he is not lucky enough, and you two aren’t destined to be married. I don’t like to be secretive, before I came to ask you, I have already told Jing that I wanted to marry you. I told him clearly, if you are willing to marry me, I will definitely cherish you, and hope that he will put everything behind him. For him, you will just be his friend’s wife.”

“What did he say?”
“He didn’t say anything. I could tell he was very upset. But as long as you agree, I believe he will give us his blessings.”

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

小夭道：“也意味着很多麻烦，涂山太夫人就很不喜欢我带来的麻烦，我记得你们四世家都有明哲保身的族规。”

    丰隆大笑起来：“小夭，你看我所作所为像是遵守族规的人吗？如果你担心我爷爷反对，我告诉你，我爷爷可不是涂山太夫人，我们赤水氏一直是四世家之首，几千年前，嫘祖娘娘都向我们赤水家借过兵！若没有我们赤水氏的帮助，也许就没有后来的轩辕国！我能娶你，我爷爷高兴都来不及！”

Xiaoyao said ” Marrying me also might mean alot of trouble. Madam Tushan did not like the trouble that I bring, I remember that your four big clans have rules to stay out of politics.”

Fenglong laughed loudly ” Xiaoyao, do I look like someone who abides by my clan’s rules? If you are worried about my grandfather’s objections, let me tell you, he is not Madam Tushan. Our Chishui family has always been the leader of the four big clans. A few thousand years ago, Empress Leizu even borrowed army from our Chishiu family! Without our Chishui family’s help, there might have been no Xiyan kingdom! My grandfather is so happy if I can marry you!”

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

丰隆又给她斟了一碗：“我知道我不比璟，让你真正心动，但我真的是最适合你的男人。我们家世匹配，只要你我愿意，双方的长辈都乐见其成，会给予我们最诚挚的祝福。你不管容貌性情，自然都是最好的，我也不差，至少和你站在一起，只会惹人欣羡，不会有人唏嘘一朵鲜花插在了牛粪上。”

小夭刚喝了一口酒，差点笑喷出来，丰隆赶紧把酒碗接了过去，小夭用帕子捂住嘴，轻声咳嗽。

Fenglong poured her another bowl “I know I can’t measure up to Jing, for you to really fall for me, but I am really the most suitable man for you. Our family backgrounds match, as long as you and I are willing, both of our elders are glad to see us together and give us the most sincere blessings. Your looks and temperament, are naturally the best, I am not too bad either. At least when I stand with you, others will only envy, no one will lament that a fresh flower is stuck on cow dung.”

Xiaoyao just took a sip of wine, she nearly spat it out laughing. Fenglong hurriedly took the bowl, while Xiaoyao coughed softly into her handkerchief.

    丰隆说道：“说老实话，就这两条，在世间要凑齐了就不容易。纵使凑齐了，只不准还会前路有歧路，但你和我永远都在一条路上。你永远都站在颛顼一边，我会永远追随颛顼，就如象罔和黄帝，是最亲密的朋友，是最可靠的战友，也是最相互信任的君臣，我也会永远效忠颛顼，我和你之间永不会出现大的矛盾冲突。我知道女人都希望感情能纯粹一点，但有时候，你可以反过来想，这些不纯粹反而像是一条条看得见的绳索，把我们牢牢地捆绑在一起，难道不是比看不见、摸不着的感情更可靠吗？至少你知道，我永远离不开你！因为背叛你就是背叛颛顼！”

Fenglong said “To be honest, just these two conditions, is very difficult to get together. Even if they are met, there is no guarantee when we meet crossroads in future, but you and I will always be on this same path. You will always be on Cang Xuan’s side, and I will always follow Cang Xuan…. the best of friends, the most reliable war buddy, the most trusted King and his minister. I will always be loyal to Cang Xuan, so we will never have big conflicts. I know women all hope that love can be pure, but sometimes if you see it from another angle, these impure interests are actually like visible ropes, that binds us securely together. Is this not more reliable than feelings that is intangible, that cannot be seen or felt? At least you know, I will never be able to leave you! Because betraying you will be betraying Cang Xuan!”

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

 小夭有些不好意思：“老是觉得怪怪的，人家议亲，女子都羞答答地躲在后面，我们俩却在这里和谈生意一样。”

    丰隆说：“所以你和我才相配啊！说老实话，我以前一直很抗拒娶妻，可现在想着是你，觉得不管发生什么事，我们都可以这样坐下来，心平气和地商量着办，就觉得娶个妻子很不错。有时候，我们还可以一边喝酒，一边聊天。”

    小夭啜着酒不说话。

Xiaoyao felt a little embarassed ” This feels so strange. When others talk about marriage, the woman will be shyly hiding behind, we are here like we are talking business.”

Fenglong said” This is why you and I match! Honestly, I have always resisted marriage, but now that I think its you, I can feel that no matter what happens, we can always sit down like this, and discuss about matters, and I feel that marrying is actually not too bad. Sometimes we can even drink and chat together.”

Xiaoyao sipped her wine and did not say anything.

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

馨悦舀起茶汤，缓缓地注入茶碗中：“有一次我和我娘聊天，娘说女人一辈子总会碰到两个男人，一个如火，一个如水，年少时多会想要火，渴望轰轰烈烈地燃烧，但最终，大部分女人选择厮守的都是水，平淡相守，细水长流。我哥哥也许不是你的火，无法让你的心燃烧，但他应该能做你的水，和你平平淡淡，相携到老。”

Xinyue scooped up some tea and slowly poured it into the tea bowl. “Once I was talking with my mother, she said in a woman’s life she will always meet two men, one like fire, one like water. In youth, most will want fire, hoping to burn passionately, but in the end, most women will choose to be with water.
Peaceful and serene, letting water flow in a trickle. My brother may not be your fire, he can’t set your heart ablaze, but he should be able to be your water, to be with you living an ordinary life until old age.”

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

馨悦说：“你和璟哥哥在一起时，我就知道你和璟哥哥会分开，我能理解意映的某些想法，因为我们都太渴望站在高处，她绝不会放手，你斗不过她，我暗示了你几次，你却好似都没听懂。”

    小夭说：“都是过去的事了，不必再提。”

    馨悦道：“相较璟哥哥，我哥哥真的更适合你。”

Xinyue said ” When you were together with Jing, I already knew you two would break up. I can understand some of Yiying’s thoughts, because both of us are too eager to stand at a high position. She would never let go and you can’t beat her. I hinted to you a few times, but you didn’t seem to understand.”

Xiaoyao said ” Its all in the past, there’s no need to mention it again.”
Xinyue ” Compared to Jing, my brother is really more suitable for you.”

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

在她告诉馨悦，她会仔细考虑时，她已经做了决定，现在只是想说服自己，她的决定是为自己而做。

    不知不觉中走到一片槿树前，还记得她曾大清早踏着露水来摘树叶，将它们泡在陶罐中，带去草凹岭的茅屋，为璟洗头。

    槿树依旧，人却已远去。

    小夭摘下两片树叶，捏在手里，默默地走着。

When she told Xinyue she would consider it carefully, she had already made her decision. Now she only has to convince herself, that she is doing this for herself.

Unconsciously she walked to a patch of hibiscus trees. She still remembered that she used to go pick the leaves in the very early mornings, to soak them in pottery jars to bring back to the house in Cao’ao range, to wash Jing’s hair.
The hibiscus tree is the same, but the person is long gone.
Xiaoyao picked two leaves, held them in her hand, and continued to walk quietly.

    她走到崖边，坐在石头上，那边就是草凹岭，但云雾遮掩，什么都看不到。

    还记得茅屋中，舍不得睡去的那些夜晚，困得直打哈欠，却仍要缠着璟说话，说的话不过都是琐碎的废话，可也不知道为什么，就是觉得开心。

    茅屋应该依旧，但那个说会一直陪着她的人已经做了爹。

    小夭将槿树叶子撕成了一缕缕，又将一缕缕撕成了一点点，她张开手，看着山风将碎叶吹起，一片片从她掌心飞离，飞入云雾，不知道去往了何处。

She walked to the cliffside and sat on a rock. That side is Cao’ao range, but its obscured in the clouds and mists, she can’t see anything.
She still remembered the nights in the house, where she could not bear to go to sleep. She was so sleepy that she kept yawning, but she still wanted to cling onto Jing to talk to him. It was mostly trivial nonsense, but she didn’t know why, she just feel happy.

The house should be still the same, but the person who said he will be with her always, has already become a father.

Xiaoyao tore the hibiscus leaves into strips, from strips into squares, she opened her hand and let the wind blow them away… lifting them from her palm into the mists, into the unknown.

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

    掌间依旧有槿叶的香气，小夭看着自己的手掌想：和丰隆在一起，只怕她是不会赶早起身，踏着露珠去采摘槿树叶子；不会两人一下午什么事都不做，只是你为我洗头，我为你洗头；不会晚上说废话都说得舍不得睡觉，即使她愿意说，丰隆也没兴趣听。就如丰隆所说，他们就是有事发生时，坐下来心平气和地商量，没事时……没事时丰隆应该没多少空在家，即使在家也很疲惫，需要休息；只怕她永不会对丰隆生气发火，任何时候两人都是和和气气，相敬如宾。

There is still the scent of the leaves on her palms, Xiaoyao looked at her palm and thought: With Fenglong, she probably won’t be rushing to get up early in the morning, stepping on dew to pick hibiscus leaves; They won’t be doing nothing in the afternoon, just to wash each other’s hair; They won’t be saying trivial nonsense late into the night and not bear to go to sleep. Even if she was willing to say it, Fenglong is probably uninterested to listen. Just as Fenglong said, if something were to happen, they can sit down calmly to talk things over, when there is nothing….. If there is nothing Fenglong probably won’t even be free to be at home. Even if he was at home, he will probably be very tired and need to rest; She will probably never flare up at Fenglong, and the two of them will always be polite and harmonious with each other.

    其实，不是不好。有事时，她可以和丰隆商量；没事时，她有很多自由，可以在府里开一片药田，种草药。也许她可以再开一个医馆，丰隆自己就很张狂任性，想来不会反对妻子匿名行医。丰隆如果回家，他们就一起吃饭，丰隆如果不回家，她就自己用饭。

    若有了孩子，那恐怕就很忙碌了。自从母亲抛下小夭离开后，小夭就决定日后她的孩子她要亲力亲为，她要为小家伙做每一件事情，让小家伙不管任何时候想起娘亲，都肯定地知道娘亲很疼他。

    孩子渐渐大了，她和丰隆也老了。

    小夭微微地笑起来，的确和外祖父说的一样，挑个合适的人，白头到老并不是那么难。

In fact, its actually not bad. When there is something, she can discuss it with Fenglong; When there is nothing, she will have alot of freedom, she can grow medicine in the mansion, planting different herbs. Maybe she can open a clinic, Fenglong himself is very wilful, he should not object to her practicing medicine incognito. When Fenglong comes home, they can dine together. If he doesn’t, she will dine alone.

If there is a child, she will probably be very busy. Every since her mother abandoned Xiaoyao and left, Xiaoyao has decided that she will do everything for her child. She will do every single thing for the little one, so that when the little one thought of his mother, he will definitely be certain that his mother loves him very much.
As the child grows up, Fenglong and her will grow old too.

Xiaoyao smiled slightly, it is indeed as grandfather had said, if she picked someone suitable, its not that hard to live together until they grow old.

长相思第32章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(1)

颛顼脸上的笑容僵住，小夭说：“他向我求婚了。”

    颛顼沉默地望向云雾翻滚的地方，那是草凹岭的方向，难怪小夭会坐在这里。

Cang xuan’s smile froze on his face, Xiaoyao said ” He proposed to me.”

Cang xuan looked silently at the direction of the rolling clouds and mists, that is where Cao’ao range is, no wonder Xiaoyao would sit here.

长相思第33章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(2)

颛顼说：“我不想你是为了我嫁给他。”

    “不会，当然不会了！丰隆，的确是最适合我的人，不管是我们的家世，还是我们个人，都相配。”

    “你真在乎这些吗？你自己愿意吗？”

    小夭说：“我肯定希望父王和你都能赞同、祝福我，最重要的是他发誓一辈子只我一个女人，一定会对我好。哥哥，大荒内，还能找到比他更合适的人吗？”

Cang Xuan said ” I don’t want you to be marrying him because of me.”
“No, of course not! Fenglong is really the most suitable person for me. Whether its our family backgrounds or personalities, we are well-matched.”

“Do you really care about such things? Are you willing?”

Xiaoyao said ” I definitely hope that father and you will both be willing, to give me your blessings. The most important thing is, he swore that he will only have me in his life, and will always be good to me. Brother, in the entire Dahuang, can I find someone better than him?”

长相思第33章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(2)

    颛顼默不作声，半晌后，突然笑了起来：“不可能再有比他更适合的人了。日后，他是我的左膀右臂，你距离我近，见面很容易，若有什么事，我也方便照顾。有我在，谅他也不敢对你不好！”

    颛顼又叹又笑，好似极其开心：“的确不可能再有比他更好的人选了！”

    小夭站起，眺望着云海，深深地吸了口气，终于下定了最后的决心。她转身，面朝颛顼，背对着草凹岭，说道：“哥哥，我同意嫁给丰隆！”

Cang Xuan made no reply… after a long while, he suddenly laughed and said “It’s not possible to can find a better man than Fenglong. He will be my right-hand man in future. You will still be close to me, it will be very easy to meet you. If there is any matter, it will be easy for me to take care of you. As long as I am around, he will never dare to treat you badly!”

Cang Xuan laughed and sighed, seeming to be very pleased ” Indeed, you can’t find a better man than him!”

Xiaoyao stood up, looked at the sea of clouds and took a deep breath and finally made up her mind. She turned to face Cang Xuan, with her back to the Cao’ao Range, and said “Brother, I agree to marry Fenglong!”

长相思第33章 满院春风，惆怅墙东(2)